The Four Loves was a book written by one of my heroes, C.S. Lewis, in 1960. However, a lot has changed since 1960. Well, I wasn’t alive in 1960, but a lot has changed since I’ve been alive. Well, I can’t remember anything but the last couple of years, but so much has changed in the past couple of years that I think it’s safe to assume a lot has changed since 1960. For example: YOLO. Nobody said that in 1960. Why? Because they obviously lived more than once back then. (This changed when the Soap Opera One Life to Live premiered in 1968, because we must listen to what the TV tells us.) Since the world has changed a lot since the book was first published (I blame global warming. It’s a “convenient” scapegoat.), I feel it is necessary to revise it to make it more applicable to our lives.
1. Storge
Storge is affection or familial love. Basically, you fight, you tease, you throw each other’s barbies in the toilet, you eat each other’s leftover chinese food even though it is labelled to not eat, you give each other noogies and wet willies, you flush the toilet with the shower on, you stand in front of the TV during the best scene, you talk about things the other doesn’t want to hear about, you leave hair in the sink and bathtub, and you leave the toilet seat up, but at the end of the day, you say you love each other and it’s all okay. That makes sense. If you do these things to anyone not in your family, you would be immediately shunned by them. But hey, it’s your family, so it’s okay. Warning, if you want to pursue a relationship with someone, this is not the type of love you want to initially express (unless, of course, they are attracted to their siblings, but you might not want to court them if that’s the case). Going up to someone and saying “I storge you” is a plan for failure.
2. Philia
Philia is mental love or friendship. Lately, this friend love has gotten a bad reputation. Something about how “we can still be friends” or the “friendzone” makes people look down on Philia. But really, if someone says they want to be friends, they are secretly saying that they love you. So who’s the real winner here? You are! Instead of getting the “We better go our separate ways,” or “It’s not you, it’s me,” or “It’s not me, it’s you,” or “Why are you following me creep?” you get the secret “I love you.” Score! It’s just the first step in a budding romance.
3. Eros
Eros is romantic love. (I said this on accident one day. I think it applies here. “I put the ‘man’ in romantic. Otherwise, it would just be ‘rotic’.”) This is the kind of love my columns typically focus on. A good test if you feel Eros for someone is this question: “Do I want to kiss this person?” For example, you don’t want to kiss your sister, so that would be Storge. You don’t want to kiss your buddy, so that would be Philia. You do want to kiss your crush (word that seems to be used less and less every year, when there is not really another word that has the same meaning. People say “like,” but I like my sister and my buddy, but I don’t want to pursue them. “Like like” sounds too much like second grade. We should bring “crush” back.), so you feel Eros for them.
I want to note that Eros is not lust. Eros is a type of love, and love is not lust. You should kiss for love, not because “They’re hot,” or “I’m thirsty,” or “It’s raining outside. YOLO!” or “I haven’t kissed anyone for a while. Now’s as good a time as ever,” or “I wonder how Pop Rocks taste when they’re in two mouths instead of one,” or “Hmmm, their chapstick smells really good,” or “They’re Irish,” or “It’s their birthday. Let’s get a bunch of people they don’t really want to kiss to kiss them!” or “Hey look! A bottle!” or “Look at that hanging plant,” or “A jumbotron in front of 30,000 people, how romantic!” or any other reason besides you really love them.
4. Agape
Agape is charity, a love you show by dedicating yourself to others. This is the highest form of love, so I don’t want to make too much light of it. (I will mention that Agape looks like Agave, which make sense since they're both really “sweet.”) However, in order to truly love someone, such as to marry them, you should want to feel all four types of love for them. You should be able to tease them and treat them as you would your siblings at times (Storge), be able to divulge your secrets as you would to your best friend (Philia), be attracted to them (Eros), and want to live your life in a way that would be most beneficial to them (Agape).
Love is grand! That’s why I choose to write about it every week. There are so many types and contexts of love!
1. Storge
Storge is affection or familial love. Basically, you fight, you tease, you throw each other’s barbies in the toilet, you eat each other’s leftover chinese food even though it is labelled to not eat, you give each other noogies and wet willies, you flush the toilet with the shower on, you stand in front of the TV during the best scene, you talk about things the other doesn’t want to hear about, you leave hair in the sink and bathtub, and you leave the toilet seat up, but at the end of the day, you say you love each other and it’s all okay. That makes sense. If you do these things to anyone not in your family, you would be immediately shunned by them. But hey, it’s your family, so it’s okay. Warning, if you want to pursue a relationship with someone, this is not the type of love you want to initially express (unless, of course, they are attracted to their siblings, but you might not want to court them if that’s the case). Going up to someone and saying “I storge you” is a plan for failure.
2. Philia
Philia is mental love or friendship. Lately, this friend love has gotten a bad reputation. Something about how “we can still be friends” or the “friendzone” makes people look down on Philia. But really, if someone says they want to be friends, they are secretly saying that they love you. So who’s the real winner here? You are! Instead of getting the “We better go our separate ways,” or “It’s not you, it’s me,” or “It’s not me, it’s you,” or “Why are you following me creep?” you get the secret “I love you.” Score! It’s just the first step in a budding romance.
3. Eros
Eros is romantic love. (I said this on accident one day. I think it applies here. “I put the ‘man’ in romantic. Otherwise, it would just be ‘rotic’.”) This is the kind of love my columns typically focus on. A good test if you feel Eros for someone is this question: “Do I want to kiss this person?” For example, you don’t want to kiss your sister, so that would be Storge. You don’t want to kiss your buddy, so that would be Philia. You do want to kiss your crush (word that seems to be used less and less every year, when there is not really another word that has the same meaning. People say “like,” but I like my sister and my buddy, but I don’t want to pursue them. “Like like” sounds too much like second grade. We should bring “crush” back.), so you feel Eros for them.
I want to note that Eros is not lust. Eros is a type of love, and love is not lust. You should kiss for love, not because “They’re hot,” or “I’m thirsty,” or “It’s raining outside. YOLO!” or “I haven’t kissed anyone for a while. Now’s as good a time as ever,” or “I wonder how Pop Rocks taste when they’re in two mouths instead of one,” or “Hmmm, their chapstick smells really good,” or “They’re Irish,” or “It’s their birthday. Let’s get a bunch of people they don’t really want to kiss to kiss them!” or “Hey look! A bottle!” or “Look at that hanging plant,” or “A jumbotron in front of 30,000 people, how romantic!” or any other reason besides you really love them.
4. Agape
Agape is charity, a love you show by dedicating yourself to others. This is the highest form of love, so I don’t want to make too much light of it. (I will mention that Agape looks like Agave, which make sense since they're both really “sweet.”) However, in order to truly love someone, such as to marry them, you should want to feel all four types of love for them. You should be able to tease them and treat them as you would your siblings at times (Storge), be able to divulge your secrets as you would to your best friend (Philia), be attracted to them (Eros), and want to live your life in a way that would be most beneficial to them (Agape).
Love is grand! That’s why I choose to write about it every week. There are so many types and contexts of love!