By Cicero
People often ask me, "Cicero, what is this "law" thing, and do I really have to follow them?" As the foremost philosopher of our time, I clearly have the answer! The truth is that there are many different reasons why you shouldn't follow those dumb laws, and I've compiled these into Cicero's Five Laws of Law:
Law One: When in doubt, always steal.
Sometimes, a store will be very vague about whether or not something is free. However, if you want it, it's free. If they don't list a price on the item, than it's their fault for not specifying that it wasn't free, so the law is clearly on your side! This will help you when purchasing unpackaged fruit, vegetables, and children.
Law Two: Laws? They're more like suggestions.
Laws only exist as ideas of what people should probably do. So if everyone else follows the laws, and you don't, than everything is still fine. So, feel free to break all the suggestions that you want, because you're only one person. If we all break the law, than maybe there's a problem. So if you're reading this, one of you can break the law, but only if you kill someone else so that they can't selfishly break the law for themselves.
Law three: Anything's legal when the cops aren't around!
The police are the only people who care about whether or not people follow the law, so as long as they're not there, the law doesn't exist. After all, possession is nine tenths of the law, and the other tenth is Javert. Well, Javert is dead, and as long as the cops don't possess you, there is no law!
Law Four: Get out of Jail free cards aren't just for Monopoly.
It is a little known fact that these cards were actually invented to pardon criminals serving a life sentence. So, when playing Monopoly, just slip one up your sleeve for the next time you get arrested. Trust me, it works, I've done it seventeen times this year. If you know the right people (The Parker Bros.), you can get a cake delivered with a get out of jail free card whenever you need it.
Law One: If laws really mattered, would they be in the Ten Commandments or in The Ringo Star?
Most of the suggestions that people still follow were created far too long ago to apply. They're older than Yoda, and he's so old he's dead! So, clearly, the only laws that still matter are found right here on the Ringo Star.
In conclusion, law really is not as important as those nasty popo say it is. In the fact; followeringed a laws done be minus importance then gettin' y'all that grammatical book learnin'. So take your newfound knowledge, and be law-free.
Law One: When in doubt, always steal.
Sometimes, a store will be very vague about whether or not something is free. However, if you want it, it's free. If they don't list a price on the item, than it's their fault for not specifying that it wasn't free, so the law is clearly on your side! This will help you when purchasing unpackaged fruit, vegetables, and children.
Law Two: Laws? They're more like suggestions.
Laws only exist as ideas of what people should probably do. So if everyone else follows the laws, and you don't, than everything is still fine. So, feel free to break all the suggestions that you want, because you're only one person. If we all break the law, than maybe there's a problem. So if you're reading this, one of you can break the law, but only if you kill someone else so that they can't selfishly break the law for themselves.
Law three: Anything's legal when the cops aren't around!
The police are the only people who care about whether or not people follow the law, so as long as they're not there, the law doesn't exist. After all, possession is nine tenths of the law, and the other tenth is Javert. Well, Javert is dead, and as long as the cops don't possess you, there is no law!
Law Four: Get out of Jail free cards aren't just for Monopoly.
It is a little known fact that these cards were actually invented to pardon criminals serving a life sentence. So, when playing Monopoly, just slip one up your sleeve for the next time you get arrested. Trust me, it works, I've done it seventeen times this year. If you know the right people (The Parker Bros.), you can get a cake delivered with a get out of jail free card whenever you need it.
Law One: If laws really mattered, would they be in the Ten Commandments or in The Ringo Star?
Most of the suggestions that people still follow were created far too long ago to apply. They're older than Yoda, and he's so old he's dead! So, clearly, the only laws that still matter are found right here on the Ringo Star.
In conclusion, law really is not as important as those nasty popo say it is. In the fact; followeringed a laws done be minus importance then gettin' y'all that grammatical book learnin'. So take your newfound knowledge, and be law-free.
Guest Article submitted by Chris Whetten