Birds are chirping. Bees are buzzing. But that’s about all you’re going to hear about the birds and the bees for this column. These animals also signal something else: Spring has come. That means one thing: It’s Prom time! Every girl’s dream, every boy’s nightmare. The dance to end all dances. The backwards MORP. Because of this, I’ve decided to write my column on Prom etiquette this week.
High School Musical 3: Senior Year has ruined me. I can no longer hear the word corsage with picturing Zac Efron and Corbin Bleu singing “Don’t know a corsage is.” (Yes, not a very manly reference, but if you weren’t raised in a family of mostly girls, you can’t judge.) Have no fear, good looking Disney Channel stars. You are not alone. Most guys don’t know what a corsage is. That’s why you have me. A corsage is a flower either tied around the girl’s wrist or pinned to their dress. Why do they need a flower such as this? Why, of course, to watch strapping young boys get completely humiliated trying to help them with the corsage before giving up and allowing the girl’s mother to do it. Don’t worry guys. Girls are equally bad with boutonnieres. The trick with pinning the corsage or boutonniere? Be aggressive. If you stab them on accident, oh well. The worst that can happen is they pull a Sleeping Beauty when they get pricked. Oh no! I guess you have to kiss them. Bummer!
Girls, I’m not going to tell you what to do, because you won’t listen. You’ve been planning your prom dress all your life. You’ve pinned it (By the way, this would be a good time to go follow us on Pinterest at http://www.pinterest.com/theringostar/), circled dresses in catalogs like a kid at Christmas time, and even picked out your colors. (PROM IS NOT A WEDDING, THOUGH IT IS VERY SIMILAR.) Guys, however, haven’t done this. If they have their outfit picked out two days in advance, they are ahead of the curve. Here are my thoughts when it comes to guys’ outfits. Suits and ties are better than tuxedos. They are cheaper, look better on you, and are easier to match the girl with. Tuxedos offer few options color wise, and if you’re off a little bit to the girl’s dress, it looks bad. To sum up, tuxedos are the worst. Suits and ties offer a large range of color options and don’t look bad if you miss on the colors a little. Suits are the best, and if you want to be the best, dress the best. If you don’t believe me, in the movie Skyfall, James Bond, legendary for his fashion sense, spends the whole time in a suit, not a tuxedo.
Guys, I’ve got to talk to you first. Girls, stay tuned, because I’ll get to you in a second. Guys, there is not one thing that makes you look better on Prom night than being a gentleman to your date. Is it really that hard to walk around the car to open a car door? I hope not, or you should probably see a doctor. Treat your date like a Princess. Now girls, never take offense at a guy opening a door for you. Trust me, all guys know that girls can open doors for themselves. Guys are not insulting your “independence,” your “ability to do things that guys can do,” or your “hand strength.” It’s just courtesy. Men are kind of prideful. Let them be prideful. They’re the ones paying. Now I speak to both guys and girls. I’ve heard it can be “awkward” to wait for the door to open or to walk around the car. You know what else is awkward: Life. Get over it. (Awkward turtles are also awkward.) The awkwardness is part of the Prom experience.
Number one rule to the doorstep: make sure you take your own date to their doorstep. Speaking of awkward, attempting to hug or kiss someone else’s date is very awkward. Don’t do it. Now I’ve heard that if girls pull back slowly after the hug and stare longingly into your eyes, they want to kiss you. (Wow, we boys must be really dumb if I have to explain this.) If they do this and you want to kiss them, proceed. If you don’t want to kiss them, ducking or saying “I’m Batman” in your Batman voice are the two best options. If you do kiss the girl, you must celebrate on your way to the car. And by celebrate, I mean do the coolest heel-click you’ve ever done in your life (No, coolest heel-click is not an oxymoron if you’ve ever seen my heel-clicks). I’ve taken to the habit of doing heel-clicks no matter what the outcome of the doorstep because I’ve been told I shouldn’t bury my talents. After the date, it always feels good to receive some confirmation that your date had a good time. Girls, it would be awesome if you could text, tweet, or add the guy on Linkedin or Google Plus. It just feels good when you do this, and it’s not too difficult to do.
- The Corsage/Boutonniere-
High School Musical 3: Senior Year has ruined me. I can no longer hear the word corsage with picturing Zac Efron and Corbin Bleu singing “Don’t know a corsage is.” (Yes, not a very manly reference, but if you weren’t raised in a family of mostly girls, you can’t judge.) Have no fear, good looking Disney Channel stars. You are not alone. Most guys don’t know what a corsage is. That’s why you have me. A corsage is a flower either tied around the girl’s wrist or pinned to their dress. Why do they need a flower such as this? Why, of course, to watch strapping young boys get completely humiliated trying to help them with the corsage before giving up and allowing the girl’s mother to do it. Don’t worry guys. Girls are equally bad with boutonnieres. The trick with pinning the corsage or boutonniere? Be aggressive. If you stab them on accident, oh well. The worst that can happen is they pull a Sleeping Beauty when they get pricked. Oh no! I guess you have to kiss them. Bummer!
- The Outfit-
Girls, I’m not going to tell you what to do, because you won’t listen. You’ve been planning your prom dress all your life. You’ve pinned it (By the way, this would be a good time to go follow us on Pinterest at http://www.pinterest.com/theringostar/), circled dresses in catalogs like a kid at Christmas time, and even picked out your colors. (PROM IS NOT A WEDDING, THOUGH IT IS VERY SIMILAR.) Guys, however, haven’t done this. If they have their outfit picked out two days in advance, they are ahead of the curve. Here are my thoughts when it comes to guys’ outfits. Suits and ties are better than tuxedos. They are cheaper, look better on you, and are easier to match the girl with. Tuxedos offer few options color wise, and if you’re off a little bit to the girl’s dress, it looks bad. To sum up, tuxedos are the worst. Suits and ties offer a large range of color options and don’t look bad if you miss on the colors a little. Suits are the best, and if you want to be the best, dress the best. If you don’t believe me, in the movie Skyfall, James Bond, legendary for his fashion sense, spends the whole time in a suit, not a tuxedo.
- Opening Doors-
Guys, I’ve got to talk to you first. Girls, stay tuned, because I’ll get to you in a second. Guys, there is not one thing that makes you look better on Prom night than being a gentleman to your date. Is it really that hard to walk around the car to open a car door? I hope not, or you should probably see a doctor. Treat your date like a Princess. Now girls, never take offense at a guy opening a door for you. Trust me, all guys know that girls can open doors for themselves. Guys are not insulting your “independence,” your “ability to do things that guys can do,” or your “hand strength.” It’s just courtesy. Men are kind of prideful. Let them be prideful. They’re the ones paying. Now I speak to both guys and girls. I’ve heard it can be “awkward” to wait for the door to open or to walk around the car. You know what else is awkward: Life. Get over it. (Awkward turtles are also awkward.) The awkwardness is part of the Prom experience.
- The Doorstep and Post-date-
Number one rule to the doorstep: make sure you take your own date to their doorstep. Speaking of awkward, attempting to hug or kiss someone else’s date is very awkward. Don’t do it. Now I’ve heard that if girls pull back slowly after the hug and stare longingly into your eyes, they want to kiss you. (Wow, we boys must be really dumb if I have to explain this.) If they do this and you want to kiss them, proceed. If you don’t want to kiss them, ducking or saying “I’m Batman” in your Batman voice are the two best options. If you do kiss the girl, you must celebrate on your way to the car. And by celebrate, I mean do the coolest heel-click you’ve ever done in your life (No, coolest heel-click is not an oxymoron if you’ve ever seen my heel-clicks). I’ve taken to the habit of doing heel-clicks no matter what the outcome of the doorstep because I’ve been told I shouldn’t bury my talents. After the date, it always feels good to receive some confirmation that your date had a good time. Girls, it would be awesome if you could text, tweet, or add the guy on Linkedin or Google Plus. It just feels good when you do this, and it’s not too difficult to do.