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Twists on the classic Lemonade Stand
Back in my youth, before I was financially well-off, the idea of starting my own business intrigued me. And this wasn’t the usual “Hmm. Interesting” intriguing; it was the oh-my-goodness-look-at-that-girl-I-have-to-marry-her sort of intrigue. I would walk around my neighborhood—it was a beautiful day there—just looking at my neighbors—for it was a beautiful day for my neighbors—and I would wonder: Would they be mine? Could they be mine . . . ? And then it hit me like Bautista popping The Undertaker (but not quite as hard as Tommy rocking Mad Dog Grimes . . . I love you, Tommy). Anywhich, it hit me nonetheless: Of course they were going to be my neighbors! And what kind of neighbor would I be if I didn’t EXPLOIT THEM FOR THEIR MONEY!! (Now go back and reread that sentence the way it was intended—with a voice that is like a rich, hot mixture of Pèpe from The Muppets and Gothmog. Also there is a huge emphasis on the “rich” part of that voice. You’ve got to sound rich to be rich).
Now, that moment is when I decided that I wanted it all even more than Sharpay did in HSM3, and a lemonade stand was exactly how I was going to get there. Unfortunately, I quickly learned that this was a game for people who were no taller than 2’ 1’’, couldn’t define the word “yellow,” and still did a pee-pee dance (or just wet themselves for that matter). I needed a way to shove those little kids in their sticky little faces and take the neighborhood’s money that was immorally mine! So I came up with these twists on the lemonade stand to ensure I could reel in the revenue and send those toddlers crying to mommy harder than I cried during “Gotta Go My Own Way.”
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High School Musical better than Les MisérablesMovie musicals combine two of my favourite things in the world: movies and musicals. And two of my favourite movie musicals are The Disney Channel’s High School Musical and the adaptation of Victor Hugo’s novel Les Misérables. The big question that is left looming is, "which one is more favourite." Both movies are favourite, but one must be more favourite. Well, I’m here put the question to bed at last: High School Musical is better than Les Misérables.
1) High School Musical made stars rather than using them There’s no denying that Les Mis has a star-studded cast. They collectively flaunt two Oscars from nine nominations, but while Les Mis was busy filling up its credits with big names, High School Musical was doing something undeniably harder: making the names in its credits big. Troy Bolton, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Tisdale, these didn’t use to be household names. Before HSM, none had done anything more than act in some small-time TV movies and shows. Since then they’ve been in . . . High School Musical 2, . . . 17 Again, Aliens in the Attic, . . . High School Musical 3, and some more small-time TV movies and shows. Ashley Tisdale has even gone on to release two semi-popular albums. 2) High School Musical hadn’t been spoiled yet Watching Les Mis there are no surprises (beyond “I Dreamed a Dream” coming after “Lovely Ladies”). Even watching it for my first time, I wasn’t wondering whether Marius and Cosette would get together--I wasn’t wondering whether Jean Valjean and Mdm. Thenardier were going to get to-gether--I already knew! And so did most other people because either they’d seen it on stage or else they claimed to have read the book. HSM was all original though. I was wondering if Troy and Gabriella would get together because it wasn’t super obvious or predictable or anything. 3) Choreography High School Musical boasted some of the finest choreography I’ve seen (I helped choreograph Olympus Ensemble’s “Kiss the Girl,” so yeah, I know choreography). From large group choreography like “Stick to the Status Quo,” to small ensemble choreo-graphy like “Getcha Head in the Game,” to individual choreography like Zac Efron’s “Bet On It” (which is actually in number 2), HSM shows its expertise across the entire spectrum. Les Mis hardly manages any chor-eography at all. The best they can do is convicts pulling a ship into harbour (not even to beat) and people standing around looking stoic. 4) Zac Efron 5) High School Musical has relatable themes Most of us are confident we won’t spend nineteen years in prison for stealing a loaf of bread; nor will we ever be forced to sell our bodies in order to keep our child alive; nor would we ever consider running away from our wealthy adopted father, the only thing between us and living on the streets, for a boy we’ve spoken to (or rather sung to) for a couple minutes through a gate. What we can relate to is high school, especially one that breaks into song all the time. We can relate to being devilishly attractive, being good at both athletics and performing arts, being the coolest kid around, and being teased for being too good at everything. BOTTOM LINE: High School Musical is just better. Don’t believe me, ask any fourteen-year-old girl five years ago. |
Guest Article
Cicero's Laws of Law
By Cicero
People often ask me, "Cicero, what is this "law" thing, and do I really have to follow them?" As the foremost philosopher of our time, I clearly have the answer! The truth is that there are many different reasons why you shouldn't follow those dumb laws, and I've compiled these into Cicero's Five Laws of Law:
Law One: When in doubt, always steal. Sometimes, a store will be very vague about whether or not something is free. However, if you want it, it's free. If they don't list a price on the item, than it's their fault for not specifying that it wasn't free, so the law is clearly on your side! This will help you when purchasing unpackaged fruit, vegetables, and children. Law Two: Laws? They're more like suggestions. Laws only exist as ideas of what people should probably do. So if everyone else |
follows the laws, and you don't, than everything is still fine. So, feel free to break all the suggestions that you want, because you're only one person. If we all break the law, than maybe there's a problem. So if you're reading this, one of you can break the law, but only if you kill someone else so that they can't selfishly break the law for themselves.
Law three: Anything's legal when the cops aren't around! The police are the only people who care about whether or not people follow the law, so as long as they're not there, the law doesn't exist. After all, possession is nine tenths of the law, and the other tenth is Javert. Well, Javert is dead, and as long as the cops don't possess you, there is no law! Law Four: Get out of Jail free cards aren't just for Monopoly. It is a little known fact that these cards were actually invented to pardon criminals |
serving a life sentence. So, when playing Monopoly, just slip one up your sleeve for the next time you get arrested. Trust me, it works, I've done it seventeen times this year. If you know the right people (The Parker Bros.), you can get a cake delivered with a get out of jail free card whenever you need it.
Law One: If laws really mattered, would they be in the Ten Commandments or in The Ringo Star? Most of the suggestions that people still follow were created far too long ago to apply. They're older than Yoda, and he's so old he's dead! So, clearly, the only laws that still matter are found right here on the Ringo Star. In conclusion, law really is not as important as those nasty popo say it is. In the fact; followeringed a laws done be minus importance then gettin' y'all that grammatical book learnin'. So take your newfound knowledge, and be law-free. |
Guest Article Submitted by Chris Whetten